to speak...

"oy, sunduin mo nga yun pag nasa may gate na siya, ha!"
i was somewhere midway retelling "The Pit and The Pendulum" when someone approached me to tell of it.
suddenly there was a debate inside me.
of course you should.
"sige na nga." I returned the affirmative.
minutes later...
"gab! andun na siya!"
i had my qualms. bakit ako??
nevertheless i gave in and walked down the stairs.
we met somewhere in a corridor.
and, i felt aghast - she didn't look well. serioiusly.
at a loss of words, i blurted out: "ang aga nten ha..."
which was absolutely wrong in my opinion.
"hindi.. masama lang pakiramdam ko..."
"eh di, sana di ka na pumasok diba?"
ano ba gab... ayusin mo nga sarili mo! kahiya-hiya ka talaga!
"ehh... kelangan daw eh... ano nangyari sa pinoy? tsaka sa ap?"
"wala naman. first class natin physics..." as i tried to slow down, keeping with her pace.
yet i was struggling.
finally we reached the lab. standing in the doorway was the teacher...
acknowledging her presence, I raised my brow.
"parang nag-away kayo ha." the teacher said.
upon hearing, i eyed her willfully - "ha? hindi..."
whatever. i know something's wrong with me. any advice? (kidding..)
i fell silent immediately after.
something WAS wrong.
then a classmate asked me to recount all the tales blow-by-blow.
that i did, without the former enthusiasm, however.
the toll of that incident was shocking.
english time. i was like, late.
hastingly i took a seat, coincidentally, next to her.
not that it matters, anyway.
there was this essay-writing activity, about those short stories of e. a. poe.
it was quite easy - but what bothered me was the guy beside me.
"bakit ka nagmamaroon?" he asked.
i was nonplussed. "ano? anong maroon?"
then he wrote at a piece of paper: 'red + black = maroon'
i wasn't able to sink it in until i felt like warming up.
egad! how dense can i be?
"wehh!! hindi nga!" while gently rubbing my cheeks.
i only hoped that wasn't for real.
it's pretty embarrassing, though.
still, i don't know how to speak in front of her.
let alone get near her, say hello, initiate a small talk...
such small things which become too dynamic.
am i too proud... or too dense?