a pain in my neck

"gabriel! ten laps, lahat ng strokes!"
i woke up to the stifled shoutings of my father.
he was outraged at the fact that i was just sleeping during the family reunion.
i had my reasons, however;
the other night i was black and blue all over the bed.
an irregular insomnia attack.
so i had to sleep; unfortunately i was not given my chance.
battling fatigue, i staggered to the shower room and gave in to the water.
a minute later i dived in the pool.
rising up, the rays of the sun aimed at my eyes.
that was when i realized that it was only about noontime.
for about fifteen minutes i continued my routine, going here, going back...
until i kicked at the wall awkwardly;
i screeched to a startling halt.
apparently, my father was sleeping this time around.
so i decided to stop the laps; i was almost finished, anyway.
--
monday morning.
a bright day. wonderful, looking for a great start.
yet i didn't get my wish.
facing the mirror (and to my disgust) there was a red blotch extending from one cheek to the other.
it's not the Mortel this time, however;
it was sunburn.
one thing's funny, though - it did not sear in pain... the way it was supposed to be. (thank God...)
but that was not the thing clearly seen.
and so i went to school.. all red.
red. mind you, i was bothered all day long by their taunts ang gibes...
yet, generally it was a nice day.... quiet, say.
[i'm sorry, mind's in a state of blankness.]

the goblet of red Mortel

it was a friday night;
expecting nothing, i stared outside right by the window of a second-floor room.
about a few meters behind me, a glass door opened.
with it came a waft of burnt goat.
curiously, i stood up and went to the table.
mind you, it smelled good, but looked horrible.
bones of shank and rib were laid upon neatly on a tray.
sunned-up bones, that is.
yet, the temptation was too hard to resist, soi took a saucer, tore off a few chunks, and went to a smaller table.
in that table was seated three guys, all of them about 4 years older than i.
since that table was meant for four, i joined the fray.
in a few moments, i felt like being in a barhouse.
the guy who was facing me was offering a glass filled with red liquor.
that wine came from a bottle positioned in the middle.
the gold embossed words were sparkling right in my eyes: Mortel.
filled with vigor, i persuaded them to give me some of that liquid.
after a half-minute of debate, they gave in and handed me a glass half-full.
"wala namang mangyayari eh." i confidently told them all...
and gulped the liquid in a span of three seconds.
then the most funny thing happened -
something in my ribs was tickling my internal parts with rising heat;
rising heat... which formed a pinkish color up to my forehead.
next thing, they were doubled up in laughter.
the effect was instantaneous; i felt dazed.
"alis lang ako sandali, punta ako sa kabilang kwarto..." i addressed to the group.
"sige, sweet dreams!" said one, and laughed again.
walking about ten feet, i found a very neat sofa unoccupied.
so i sat down. immediately i was dissolved into darkness.
five hours later, someone was struggling to wake me up.
"hoy, uuwi na tayo!" said my father.
still dazed, i staggered to sit back again.
i had slept for five hours.
staring at my father, i saw my reflection in his spectacles...
...and a very noticeable pink tic in the cheek.

...or not to speak??

"hmm.. tahimik lang ako."
yan ung sinabi ko nung may bumanat s knya..
"grabe, obsessed na ako sayo!"
(di ko alam kung 'sincere' siya dun... hehe!)
oo nga. kay tagal ko na ring hindi nagsasalita...
pero sa ngayon, siguro nga, di muna magbabago yun......
tpos mamaya maya, habang nggugupit aq ng scotch tape...
"...ayoko munang magmahal sa ngayon."
nagulat ako nung nasabi ko yan.
narinig nya kaya?
pero, hindi lang ako ang nagulat sa mga narinig ko.
kasi, nagsinungaling ako...
kaya't nanahimik nalang ako habang tinitiis ang sakit ng sariling gawa.
"gab, pakalikot ng cellphone!"
ayoko. "ayoko.. psensya.."
"ehhh bakit?? ikakamatay ko ba yung mga nakalagay dyan?"
"hindi. ikakamatay ko."
ewan ko kung seryoso ako....
pero ayoko talaga.
natuto na ko s gnun..
kasi yung huling nakabasa ng cellphone ko ay ung tatay ko.
andami rin nyang nalaman.
hindi sa hindi nya nagustuhan yung mga yun... pero nagulat siya.
hay. kalimutan na nga yun!
pero hindi ko pinabasa. bahala na...
naggugupit pa rin ako ng scotch tape...
nang nkita ko siyang lumapit sa kaibigan nya.....
tpos, parang humihikbi siya...
nalaman ko na lang na tama yung hinala ko.
basta. yung babaeng nakangiti kani-kanina lamang ngayon ay nagdaramdam.....
tapos ako, andun lang. nakatingin sa kanya.
nanghihina. nalungkot.
nakatitig lang. naisin mang lumapit, walang magawa.
tumayo ako. "noel, ikaw muna maggupit ng scotch tape..... pwede?"
pumayag siya. lumabas ako sa lugar na yon at sumandal sa may pintuan.
haay. ayoko siyang tignan.
di ko makaya yung sakit.
MAHAL KITA.
pero wala akong magawa.

to speak...

"oy, sunduin mo nga yun pag nasa may gate na siya, ha!"
i was somewhere midway retelling "The Pit and The Pendulum" when someone approached me to tell of it.
suddenly there was a debate inside me.
of course you should.
"sige na nga." I returned the affirmative.
minutes later...
"gab! andun na siya!"
i had my qualms. bakit ako??
nevertheless i gave in and walked down the stairs.
we met somewhere in a corridor.
and, i felt aghast - she didn't look well. serioiusly.
at a loss of words, i blurted out: "ang aga nten ha..."
which was absolutely wrong in my opinion.
"hindi.. masama lang pakiramdam ko..."
"eh di, sana di ka na pumasok diba?"
ano ba gab... ayusin mo nga sarili mo! kahiya-hiya ka talaga!
"ehh... kelangan daw eh... ano nangyari sa pinoy? tsaka sa ap?"
"wala naman. first class natin physics..." as i tried to slow down, keeping with her pace.
yet i was struggling.
finally we reached the lab. standing in the doorway was the teacher...
acknowledging her presence, I raised my brow.
"parang nag-away kayo ha." the teacher said.
upon hearing, i eyed her willfully - "ha? hindi..."
whatever. i know something's wrong with me. any advice? (kidding..)
i fell silent immediately after.
something WAS wrong.
then a classmate asked me to recount all the tales blow-by-blow.
that i did, without the former enthusiasm, however.
the toll of that incident was shocking.
english time. i was like, late.
hastingly i took a seat, coincidentally, next to her.
not that it matters, anyway.
there was this essay-writing activity, about those short stories of e. a. poe.
it was quite easy - but what bothered me was the guy beside me.
"bakit ka nagmamaroon?" he asked.
i was nonplussed. "ano? anong maroon?"
then he wrote at a piece of paper: 'red + black = maroon'
i wasn't able to sink it in until i felt like warming up.
egad! how dense can i be?
"wehh!! hindi nga!" while gently rubbing my cheeks.
i only hoped that wasn't for real.
it's pretty embarrassing, though.
still, i don't know how to speak in front of her.
let alone get near her, say hello, initiate a small talk...
such small things which become too dynamic.
am i too proud... or too dense?

isang saglit na naman.

"pass your papers!"
sa wakas.
ang mga katagang ito ni ma'am erpelo ang nagsilbing hudyat ng pagtatapos ng aming ikahuling markahang pagsusulit.
sa may armchair sa labas, ako'y huminga ng malalim.
tapos na rin!
bagamat hindi ito ang katapusan ng lahat (at sa katunayan ay simula pa lamang) kaming lahat ay, sa aming sariling pamamaraan, ay nagagalak sa pangyayaring ito.
kinuha ko ang cellphone sa kalaliman ng aking bag.
12:30 ang nakalagay sa orasan. ha! maaga pa.
ang paalam ko'y hanggang alas-kwatro ako sa paaralan. at dahil sa kalokohang sinadya ko sa aking orasan, noon ako'y may mga apat at kalahating oras pa para ako'y magsaya.
ngunit bago magsimula yaon ay lahat kami'y pinapasok sa silid.
tila ang liwanag ng lugar na iyon kanina. dahil paguusapan ang isang project, ako'y naupo sa armrest ng isang upuan sa may harapan.
habang inaayos ang agenda ng klase, may isang babae na dumaan sa harapan ko at umupo sa armchair kung saan ako'y nakapwesto sa armrest.
oo, nagulat ako, pero alam kong sa kanya wala lang yun.
mga dalawang linggo na ring ganun ang pakikitungo sa kanya, kaya siguro nasanay na kaming hindi nagpapansinan...
[masakit man sa kalooban ko, siguro nga ganun lang talaga.]
siguro mga dalawang minuto na rin kaming nakaupo doon at nakikinig nang..
"uy gab! andyan ka pala!" tingin niya sa akin.
"... hehe.. oo nga eh...." ang tanging nasagot ko.
oo nga eh. mas nauna pa akong umupo sayo dito diba? kung di mo man napansin, dibale na, naiintindihan kita.
"hay nako gab. di ka na namamansin. hmmp."
nga pala, sorry ha. pero kunwari makikiride ako:
"ha, ako ba?? uhmm.. sorry ha..."
"lagi mo na lang akong inaaway..."
"ano?? eh ano bang ginawa ko sayo?"
"wala... basta, di mo na ako kinakausap."
".. ah, eh... nahihiya nga kasi ako sayo!"
"eh bakit ka naman mahihiya sa akin?"
hindi na ako sumagot. kaysa namang sabihin kong...
"diba, kung mahal mo yung tao mahihiya ka sa kanya, kasi gusto mo yung gagawin mo laging tama, lalo na sa harap niya???"
buti na lang napigilan ko sarili ko.
"uy, alam mo ba, kahapon ko lang naubos yung toblerone mo."
"weh? hindi nga?!"
"oo. tinipid ko eh. tsaka hindi ako namigay."
"ganun ba?"
waw. napangiti na naman nya ako.
kahit na sa loob ko hindi ko alam kung tumitibok pa puso ko. waaaaaaa.......
mamaya-maya, tumayo na siya.
natapos na rin ang diskusyon.
umalis na ako. naglakad sa corridor, at tumungo sa kapitbahay na curie na mas malayo ng kaunting hakbang kaysa sa becquerel.
at doon ay nakasalubong ko ang isang kaibigan.
"uy gab! may nalaman ako..."
"ha? ano nanaman?"
"wala, joke lang yun."
di ako naniwala sa kanya....
kaya maya't maya ay tinanong ko siya. sa huli ay napilit ko rin..
"ikaw ha, kaya pala tinatanong mo sa akin kung may sama ng loob ka ba kay......"
"....ha? hindi... pinatanong lang niya yun!!"
"weh? talaga lang. hehe. yiiii....."
"bahala ka nga."
bakit ganun. lahat na lang ng sikreto ko hindi na sikreto. tsk tsk tsk.
sabagay, ano nga ba naman ang kailangan kong itago???
mga dalawang oras makalipas, nagppractice kami para sa variety show sa pinoy.
"ano ba yan gab... wala namang kabuhay-buhay!"
"hay nako. maiinlab siya sayo nyan pag ganyan ka!" sabay tawa.
nang mabanggit nya yun, nagisip kaagad ako ng sagot, at ito ang lumabas sa bibig ko:
"nako. hindi ako umaasa."
siguro yun lang ang tama kong nagawa kanina.
totoo yan. hindi ako umaasa. kung masaktan man, ayos lang.
hay nako. ang drama mo talaga gab.

nothing special, really.

is life supposed to go roundabout in perfect circles?
if not, why is it an exact description to my way of living?
am i limited to the territorial lines which others have set right in front of me?
and, were they given the right to draw such boundaries?
am i a puppet, held by innumerable, invisible strings...
that every beat and breath is a suspicion sensed by their oversensitive noses?
am i not to be trusted?
do i look deceiving and criminal?
don't i have the capability to speak the truth, or hide it, for the least?
want me to be specific?
i fall in love.
i do have the right to choose who to fall for?
and, don't i have the right to choose the time i want to do something?
was the freedom of 'waiting' been taken away from me?
and, don't i have the privilege of doing what i feel is right to do?
wasn't i created with this liberal thing called 'free will'?
and, wasn't i set on earth for a purpose?
a destiny? a fate, i alone could dictate?
and isn't it my privilege to write all these..
and to show the wide world how awfully i feel???
does anyone think that i do not know how incoherent i state my opinions?
does anyone seem to think that i don't know how dumb i am when talking?
one day, try to see me and look straight at me in the eye.
after then, tell me: do i look like i'm joking, or perhaps, lying?
now, does anyone want to seclude me from the horrible world we all live in?
finally:
do you think i won't feel sorry for what i've just said??
don't i owe you all an apology?
is all this for real, or reel?
oh, boy, how ridiculous can you be?
i'm a boy on a string...

where's the connection?

CHANGE. state. condition. being.
SELF. esteem. pride. bad. worse. worst.
low. degraded. DEVALUED. unnoticed.
unloved. ALONE. one.
family. community. society. CROWD.
LOST. helpless. needy. poor. beggar.
alms. mercy. grace. HOPE.
LIGHT. life. joy. smile.
bright. white. pure. clean. blameless. PERFECT.
NOBODY. wortheless. none.
ignorance. reality. inexistence. GONE.
dead. dying. recovering. lifely. able. PERCEIVE.
sense. see. clear. blur. TEARS.
BROKEN. SILENT.
I. LOVING. YOU.
ALWAYS.

hyperventilation. whew...

march 11, friday.
i was nearing the doors when i took a last glance at the inaccurate clock.
6:45. i was smiling.
thirty minutes later i faced the school gate.
looking through the bars i saw the hand clocks: six-forty-five.
oh boy. it's all working now.
i took my hankerchief and wiped it on my face.
i felt cold. didn't know why........
for all of you to know, i haven't been late for four straight days.
yes, four straight days.
and i owe it all to the maladusted wall clock above our bookshelf - adjusted half an hour advanced to real time.
when i reached the classroom, i quickly sat down and copied notes.
studious, ehh?? no. transformed, more likely.
change is the only permanent thing in this world.
i remember my dad's remark about nine months ago:
"gabriel, pakatandaan mo, ang third year, transition period yan, mentally and physically...
...kaya kumain ka nga?!"
well, believe it or not, i've gained twenty pounds since that statement. weird.
but - some things change for the worse.
"gab, ang taray mo na ha!"
"gab! miss na kita! bumisita ka nman dito!"
"hmmp. di ka na namamansin."
- just to mention a few.
um, call me introverted nowadays, i'll take it wholly.
and please accept my apologies.
anyway, sometime before midday i had an internal bout of asthma (which luckily no one noticed...) which would contribute to my later woes...
"gab, please read and answer number five."
i was startled with what i heard.
"yes, i know you're about to go to never-never land......"
so i was falling asleep. i had no idea.
someone touched my hand -
"gab, nanlalamig ka.."
after that, a quiz - i flunked, of course.
but that didn't matter for the moment.
though i really needed a rest.
the next day, my back was flat on the mattress.
grabbing my cellphone, i realized that it was ten o'clock.
i heard a loud voice downstairs. my mom.
"pag nagising si gab, sabihin nyo magpahinga pa siya..."
i sat up. by my side i saw a thermometer.
then i gently touched my forehead.
man, you're scorching hot.
knowing everything's out of control for that time, i lay back again and hid in my blankets.
so much for a day. there's your needed rest, boy.

ang dakilang martir.

narito ako, nakaupo at nananahimik...
nagmumuni-muni at napag-iisip......
mga dalawang upuan sa aki'y layo..
naroon ka, masiglang tumatawa...
buti ka pa, masaya!
mamaya-maya ako'y may maririnig...
isa o dalawang kataga mula sa 'yong mga labi...
mga salita, sa puso ko'y pumunit....
kahit matagal ko na namang alam...
na ang puso mo'y nabihag na ng iba...
nagbingi-bingihan, na parang walang nasaksihan...
ako muli'y nanahimik, sa silya'y sumandal..
para ka na ngang malaking tinik sa puso ko...
kulang na lang ay hilain at itapon...
ngunit, alam ko namang pag iyon ay ginawa ko...
tiyak magsusugat lang lalo ang nagdurugo nang puso...
siguro nga'y mas mabuti nang manatili lang diyan..
pero, lalabas na naman, isang tanong:
kung magpaparamdam ka.. kailan ba, at papaano?
kung hinihintay ko na lang ang tamang panahon...
hindi ba ang oras na 'yon ay... bukas, o ngayon?
sana ako'y mapatawad mo kung nagiinarte ng ganito.
sa akin ay hindi ka na dapat humingi ng paumanhin...
pagkat ang dahilan nito ay mga katangahan ko rin...
ang katotohanan nga nama'y kay hirap sabihin.
kaya't sa sarili ko'y ito lamang ang naibulong....
"kung para naman, sa taong minamahal...
ayos lang ang ako'y masaktan."

very, very queer.

she was supposed to be a lunatic -
but ended up the princess in my dreams.
strange, huh?
nope.
so much for that variety show.
half an hour later, she was still wearing that tiny "crown"...
and i heard a couple of people calling her "princess".
a title well befitting, i presume? haha.
yet in spite of that...
i tried hard not to make our eyes meet, the same time trying not to notice her too much...
all in vain.
physics time - group quiz.
first of two lost chances.
"gab, nabasa ko yung blog mo.. yung bintana ng mcdo."
"wala yun.." i quickly replied, obviously avoiding her eyes.
i won't believe it if she didn't notice how queer i am...
of course, who am i to be seen or taken note of? let alone... to her?
minutes after that quiz she was waving a purple balloon at me.
"gab, sumulat ka naman dito o..." pointing out the graffiti-covered face of the inflation.
a mental breakdown followed.
"um, mamaya na lang... baka pumutok eh.." quickly formulating an alibi.
she turned back, with a frown... (awh.. now that's sad.)
of course, as life goes on, i walk to and fro, pondering on things i tend to forget...
we happen to meet a few times, but no greetings from the shy guy.
english time: strike two.
groupmates again.. by chance.
i put a very good distance between us, and faced somewhere else.
dwelling in the silence. not talking to anyone.
now, now... anyone might ask what is happening within me...
i can't answer that for the moment.
i'm torn..
if all these could only be a nifty dream....
i could have woken up anytime -
only to find everything real.

nerbyoso..

mahal kita.
akala ko nung una, napakadaling sabihin....
pero, ipakita nga lang yun, hirap ka na.
hanggang ligaw-tingin nga lang ba ako??
eh tuwing andyan ka nga, iiwasan ko naman mga mata mo...
ni makabati ng maayos, di magawa...
ngunit pag wala ka na, hahanap-hanapin naman...
ang labo ano??
sinabi ko sayo, hindi pa panahon para magpadama...
ano na nga ba hinihintay ko?
bakit ba hanggang ngayon nananahimik pa rin ako???
tinatago ko ba ang katotohanan??
bakit pa?
eh kung darating rin ang panahon na malalaman ng lahat iyon...
at saka, ano pa ba ang tinatago ko?
alam mo na diba.... pero, baka nga mahirap akong paniwalaan...
siguro nga, hindi dapat daanin ang lahat sa simpleng ngiti lamang...
haaay. magulo, alam ko.. sorry talaga...
... dahil isang malungkot na bata ang napamahal sayo....

dimmed monitor

11:40 pm, february 12.
lights are out - except for the light posts outside.....
everybody's given up to the call of the night...
almost.
in one corner of a bedroom a young lad tossed and turned round his bed.
after worthless efforts of trying to sleep, he shook his head and got up...
then went straight to the door, quietly turning the knob...
and quickly turned on the monitor of the computer.
man, he was real silent.
the nanny sleeping on the couch didn't notice.
no one did.
this guy's real smart, anyway.
he covered all the switch lights, so as no once would notice that the machine's turned on.
he then adjusted the monitor contrast, to a very dim light.
very smart, indeed.
mind you, this guy's hampered by anemia, an iron deficiency mainly due to lack of sleep..
so he's an insomniac too. but he keeps on doing it.
he used to wear a pair of glasses, but this time he didn't.
and still, nobody ever noticed.
seconds later, he was chatting with someone.
typing very silently, but very quick.
moments later, fatigue started to settle in,
and tears started to well up his eyes..
but he wouldn't sleep.
naturally, things started to get shaky....
and so he asked his friend over the program:
"lumilindol ba?"
of course, she told the frail guy that he needs sleep.
he actually does, judging on his eyebag marks...
but he didn't care a bit; there was something special in his 'friend' that he can't put his eyes off the screen.
the computer clock read: 12:00 am.
the guy was now enjoying a pack of chips delight, the girl over the other end, refrigerated mangoes.
and they were both wide awake again.
but the lad suddenly froze with fear - something was moving.
or so he thought.
"may mumu dyan sa inyo..." said her friend, apparently amused.
well, this guy suddenly chuckled; he was slightly nervous.
yet he kept going on.
three hours later, the friendly girl checked out.
so she still sleeps once in a while. the guy slid back to his chair.
without anything else to do, he shut the thing down.
yet he seemed to enjoy all this a lot.
about a month later....
the young kid still does the thing...
waking up to the wee hours of night to midnight transition.. barely dozing.....
waiting for someone to log in...
wanting to talk to her....
maybe not that badly....
but still holding on, and hoping that...
by chance, sometime, she will be there....

sa bintana ng mcdo...

mcdo carpark.
hindi isa sa mga pinakamagandang lugar kapag ika'y nag-iisa...
ngunit naroon ako...
sa isang sulok ng malaking kainan..
sa tabi ng bintana, at kaharap ang basurahan...
----
katatapos lang ng perio. alas-dos na ng hapon.
nakakapaso ang araw noon. nasa may guardhouse nq quesci.
pero may kasama ako...
isang magandang dilag... isa sa mga taong lagi kong kasama,...
at laging nagpapangiti sa akin...
"gab, punta tayo ng mcdo...." sabi niya.
sa init nga naman ng araw, pumayag ako...
ngunit hindi lang iyon ang dahilan.
kung alam niyo lang, mahal ko ang taong iyon....
nang makarataing doon, kami'y naupo sa malapit sa bintana, sa likod ng basurahan...
kaharap ko siya.
"teka, baka gusto mong kumain?" naitanong ko sa kanya.
"ah, hindi,.. ayoko pa kasi umuwi..."
"waw. nagbago ka na nga... diba lagi mong gustong umuuwi ng maaga?"
"eh... basta..."
natahimik na lang ako at napatingin sa labas...
"gab..."
napaharap ako sa kanya...
at nagsalubong ang tingin naming dalawa. kung gaano katagal, hindi ko alam...
"...bakit namumula ka??" nako. napansin niya.
at hindi lang yon. sa totoo lang, nanginginig ako sa kaba...
hindi ako nakasagot.. kaya ako'y ngumiti na lang uling tumingin sa bintana...
"halika, uwi na tayo..." sabi niya.
tumayo na kami...
lumipas ang ilang sandali...
at kinuha ko ang kamay niya.
"mahal kita..."
yun lamang ang narinig kong lumabas sa aking mga labi...
ngumiti siya. at tila, hinigpitan ang hawak sa kamay ko...
"labas na tayo..."
nagkatitigan ulit kami. namumula siya....
ngunit, natahimik na kami pareho at sabay na naglakad palabas....
***
mahigit isang taon na ang nakalipas. nakaupo ako sa lugar kung saan naganap ang lahat ng ito.
pero, wala siya sa aking harapan...
----
habang isinasalaysay sa papel ang lahat ng ito...
may kumatok sa bintana.
napalingon ako, at nandun ay isang babae kasama ang kanyang mga kaibigan...
siya'y humarap sa akin at kumaway.
sa kabila ng lahat ng naalala ko...
hindi ko pa rin napigilang ngumiti noong siya'y nasa paningin ko...
haaay. isang araw na nagdaan.

the reading carnival... and grimace

"city hall, city hall!!!! isa na lang!!!"
amidst the shuffling of feet was a pair of leather shoes briskly walking to a jeep a dispatcher was attending to.
getting the signal, i quickly went in.
my parents will kill me if they knew about this.
i had no reason to do so, but i didn't tell anyone in the household that instead of heading to school, i took a route to the qc memorial
circle.
"manong, bayad ho..."
while paying the fare, i can't help but look at the permit provided to us, which would have informed my parents about the incoming activity -
and why was i going to qcmc in a regular school day.
as some of you might know, there is this so-called 'reading carnival' hosted by, what was that? scholastic corporation, or something like it.
anyway, it didn't really matter if i didn't tell anyone from the family about it - they're used to me keeping a lot of secrets.
and so the jeep went. i took a peek at the side window...
a sea of blue, green and white was clearly seen along the sidewalk.
i returned my eyes back to the inside; and i saw the same pattern of colors in one girl's dress.
"ma'am, ang daya o! nakasakay!!!"
from there on i knew. that crowd was walking - WALKING - to the same destination i was headed.
obviously not wanting to arrive there sweaty and tired, some 'highly intelligent and capable' students chose to pay fare for the comfort.
i heaved my back to the chair cushion, feeling very comfortable about it.
"manong, para ho..."
i was there alone standing by the elliptical road sidewalk, among a hundred students [the same crowd mentioned earlier0 waiting (im)patiently
to cross the road.
two minutes later, i found myself among my friends and schoolmates. from there on we geared for the world record, say.
what world record? "most number of people reading at the same time (and in the same place?)"
yeah. whatever it was. but record or no record, i believe i was reading pugad baboy by that time.
yet not everyone was reading. at the back of the venue, unseen, were a group of students playing russian poker (more commonly known as tong-its
*compliments to jason*)...
so what if there's a record? our adviser told us that a different record was set: most number of people acquiring skin cancer in a particular
day, time and place due to the heat of the sun. now that's more convincing....
"group 1, may practice tayo ng pinoy... balik tayo ng school...."
it sounded a bit more interesting than setting a world record during that time..
and so we headed for the jeepney stop.
before crossing the road, we saw only few people lining up for a ride.
when we arrived at the other end, however, the population quadrupled.. i suppose.
and it was a very long and unorganized queue.
it was about ten minutes later before we got a ride... and five minutes going to sm...
"mag-te-ten na. ma'am, kain muna tayo sa food court. magbubukas na po yan..."
she agreed.
----
an hour later, we found out the school was locked for the day. precisely why, i did not know. nor did i care.
"dun na lang tayo sa mcdo mag-usap..." said clara, the group leader.
we could only nod our agreement in response.
----
staging a practice at mcdonald's carpark is no easy task.
mobility is hindered, and conversation a bit limited...
the only productive thing we were able to do was talk about what we were going to do.
after two hours of not-so-fruitful discussion we played tong-its.
nothing's that sensible now....
----
an hour later only three of the group remained at mcdonald's: janine, jason, and i...
with nothing to do, let alone anything to talk about, jason started out:
"ano ba talaga si grimace?" pointing to a small portrait just above where we were sitting.
we looked at the picture, with great interest.
thinking about it very deeply, but not with much sense, i blurted out:
"oo nga no... para siyang - "
"ube... ube yata.." cut in janine.
and for that time we agreed about it.
moments later hazel came, and janine left.
after getting a dutch treat of 'king cone' ice cream from jason, the topic came to life again:
"jason, sayang, di mo tinanong nung bumili ka kung sino si grimace..." all of us looking at the portrait.
"oo nga eh, pag may dumaan na lang, tanong natin."
hazel went to some friends sitting about two tables away from us...
and they seemed to agree with the first speculation, reading from their lips "ube yata yan eh!"...
we thought about it again...
"eh bakit ube? wala naman yata silang ube dito ha..."
"meron, yung ice cream diba?"
"oo nga, pero wala pa ring sense... bakit hndi na lang picture n ice-cream like?? bakit parang ube pa ung hugis?"
"siguro kamote yan."
approaching all possibilities, we all ended up in hearty laughters...
then all of us decided to leave and go home.
as we stood up, we saw the 'manager' roaming around the restaurant... and we seized the chance to talk to him..
"er sir, excuse me po, may itatanong lang po kami..."
"sige. ano yun?" the guy replied.
"um, ano po ba talaga si grimace?"
"anong klaseng nilalang po ba siya?"
"kasi po mukha siyang ube dun sa picture.. so nagtaka lang po kami..."
it took him a few moments before he answered...
"ay, wala lang talaga yan, ginawa lang na kasama ni ronald mcdonald at nung iba..."
"ahh.. okey... salamat po sir.."
he wasn't quite convincing, however.
for a fact, i have the faintest inkling that the manager didn't expect the question to be raised, let alone think of a good answer in response.
but we'll look on that someday.

somehow... for you...

someday, not today...
you'll see me in the light of day...
sometime, not tomorrow...
i'll walk with you once more...
with a smile i'll meet you
in my eyes, a bright glimmer
someday i'll gaze at those brown eyes,
and we'll again play with our minds...
teasing me here, laughing out there...
dancing under grace like never before...
somewhere in time we will forget
that past that tormented us, right and left
each painful memory, and scarrings of pain
will disappear, never to be hidden in vain
someday we'll share the deepest of secrets
and tie a knot of trust - one which can't be trimmed
someday we'll talk - for all obvious reasons
with every breath, gasp and laughter
some time every day i'll be thinking about you
looking forward to things, brand new
and someday i'll be holding your hand again
bowing before Him, both in solemn prayer
once again we'll be the best of friends...
and i do hope that someday come in full stead.

only for clarification.

dear ms. warque,
greetings.
this is a feedback regarding your blistering harangue upon our section, avogadro-3, last march 1, 2005.
your argument focuses on two points: a) your implemented rules about being excused on class and b) the
student's, and ultimately, the school's low-level competence.
we are doing this to inform you that this school has its own set of hectic schedules, as you may not
know, being new to the system. annually, this agenda was set at a specific date; and the management tries
so hard to complete this yearly set of activities. during these periods, students are sometimes required
to skip their classes to join the particular event, provided that a) a permit is presented stating the
reason for the student's missing of classes and b) the teacher consents not to teach during that period,
in case a whole class is needed. we believe that such imposition of new rules - technically an act of
injustice - should not be allowed.
about the second matter, i am so sorry to say that we feel being dealt a blow below the belt. for your
knowledge our school has long lived a reputation of having such rigorous academic training and high
standards, being supervised by the department of education. we, the students, hold the responsibility of
maintaining the school's respectable status, and do it to the best we can. such is the case for our
class, avogadro-3: expectations are very high and also pressing, but we still make it a point to excel at
such academic areas.
we know for a fact that qcshs has a very high-level competence, and that is supposed to mean the students
and the teachers. all of us, out of respect, try much as possible not to downplay a person's capability -
a subject you talked about - and all of us agree - was an outrageous insult to each student present in
that room. making things straight, i do not intend to demand an apology, but only to make things clear
between you and our class.
we hope that we can resolve the matters as soon as possible, and that it will end up for the benefit of
all.
please accept our sincerest apologies.
- from a concerned student of yours
----
hmmf.