the rose, ... torn (epilogue?)

(js prom '05: last of 4 parts)
...and held the rose - too tight.
was there a problem??
don't you realize what you've just done?
fine. he took her away.
that's NOT supposed to mean you have an excuse to dance with someone else.
am i right?
a promise to yourself is a promise to yourself.
a last dance is a LAST dance.
she didn't hold a promise. YOU did.
let her dance with someone else. but let her be your last.
that's what you should've done.
anyway, the damage is done. you take the pain.
show her what you feel. can you do it?
when i was done, i opened my palm.
a petal fell to the ground.
my palm was holding a pile of rose petals.
i kept them in my pocket.
a "lasting" memory.
as i walked to the gate, i saw some disgruntled people sitting at the back chairs.
i wasn't alone, i suppose.
but the pain was still there.
----
an hour later, i was tucked in my bed..
but my mind was still rolling.
"hay. ang tanga ko talaga."
what did you mean???
i found myself letting out a faint sob.
why?
i couldn't sleep. three o' clock.
you missed her a lot. right?
you loved her.
you already had let go.
yet she's not out of your mind.
you hoped she felt the same way.
yet she didn't.
what did she mean?? hmmm....
i continued tossing and turning roundabout.
i looked up. five o' clock.
i didn't lay down again.

the rose,... dried up

(js prom '05 : 3rd of 4 parts)
...falling on the rooftop...
"erika, pwede ba kitang makasayaw?"
the girl stood up. we took a few steps to the floor...
"turuan mo ako ha! di ako marunong eh!" came my date's response.
i smiled back. oh baby tell me why you have to go...
"swerte ka kinakantahan kita..." i told her. and she acknowledged.
my first dance - with our class muse. nice start, gab.
when we let go, i took a look at my brooch - starting to wilt...
no, almost wilted..
but i didn't mind, and so i went looking for someone to dance with.
in one of the four corners of the hall, a pictorial was in process...
i joined in, of course. those were my classmates, for a fact.
after the pictorial...
"eileen, sayaw tayo, kwentuhan mo n ren ako..." facing a girl wearing red.
after getting the affirmative nod, we went to the dance floor.
the slow dance suddenly stopped, and a fast one kicked in....
thus quickening our conversation about the supposed to be king and queen of the prom. :)
the fast tunes, later, were halted, and i resumed to find a partner.
after four to five dances (or songs, say)...
young man...there's no need to feel down.. i said, young man, pick yourself off the ground..
wow. is this really a promenade? as that and other songs like that played on...
anyway, i didn't dance during that period. that's being crazy, in my opinion.
of course, that stopped too, and the next song seemed to say that that won't be repeated for the rest of
the night.
i inquired a friend of the time. he flashed his watch - eleven o' clock.
when i was dancing with a long time friend... i saw her. she was dancing with... david.
suddenly a rush of memories came... i was supposed to, let's say, "take her away" from him, when the case
arises that he asks her. but i was dancing with someone else... strike one, i said to myself.
my partner noticed that. "kanino ka nakatingin?" she asked, and glanced at where i was looking. "ahh...
so gusto mong makasayaw si kacie..."
my face turning into a shade of red, i responded with, "hmf. nagselos ka naman." i regretted it. *well,
at least they didn't dance for long. kidding aside...*
when the song finished, i offered an apology to her. "nyak. okey lng yun. nagkakahiyaan nga kami eh.
basta yung last dance ha!" was her response. painful? i never knew.
after a few more dances, i found a dear friend of mine - sol.. and asked her for a dance. the thing was,
i did not know that he was still dancing with another guy, but because he left her, i got the nod.
(well, why do you think i mentioned her?)
a few seconds later, i saw the charming lady i spoke of earlier walking to the dance floor with a very
close friend of mine.
i was singing to sol "til they take my heart away" when i noticed them. i told my friend "wala akong
planong isayaw sya... tingin mo?"
after a series of deep questioning, i looked at her straight in the eye.. "sige na nga."
silence in our part. i was still gazing at her, singing a song... "gab, ang ganda ng mga mata mo..."
i responded with a smile. that's the best i can do.
then, i looked past her and winked at rowell (my friend), for which purpose was obvious.
he got the message. "gab, pwede ko bang mahirap si sol ng sandali?"
(as a "law", when asked for a dance, one should comply...)
then we were left alone. the girl and i.
"okey lang ba??" i asked.
i didn't need a response. she put her hand by my shoulder, and there started all.
"oy. kamusta na."
"ayos lang."
"di na tayo nag-uusap ha..." she faced somewhere...
evading my eyes.
*know what, my father stressed too much to me about eye contact in communication. so i always was like
that. sorry...*
"oo nga eh. sorry ha... na-miss kita."
she looked at me. then turned her face somewhere else.
"nanginginig ba ako?" i asked her - i felt i was.
silence again. she stared at me. i was mesmerized.
"ano ba, gab?... hay. ang tanga ko talaga." she turned again.
"bakit mo naman nasabi?"
"ahh... ewan.."
"nahihiya ka ba sa akin?"
her feet stopped. she still didn't look.
"sino na ba?? para maliwanagan na ako."
"hindi ko alam kung mahal ko na siya." i knew what she meant. and who she was talking about. painful? i
never knew.
"gab, okey ka lang?" came her soft voice.
"hindi ehh.. nanginginig yata ako..." at last. we were facing each other.
i gazed into her eyes... a long, searching gaze...
then she turned away - again.
"nahihiya ka ba sa akin?"
the song came to an end. i just realized that i was singing to her.
she only smiled back. "oy, salamat ha."
"sorry talaga... sige.." as i let go of her. I HAD LET GO OF HER. painful? i never knew.
but that was strike two.
when i was asking someone again.. the lights turned on. darn. but i think it didn't matter, for the
moment...
as each minute passed, the last dance was approaching nearer and nearer.
and people were asking me every minute "nasayaw mo na si anna?," all answering them with a small snicker.
then came the last dance. *apologies for the redundancy*
well, she was dancing with someone else. so i had to ask him to have her. it hurts when anyone does that.
but i had to, say.......
and so we danced. "uy gab, salamat sa lahat..."
"um, wala yun..." ...was i blushing??
"nakita ko kayo ni anna nagsasayaw ha..."
"oo nga eh. haaay. akala ko nga iiyak ako sa harap nya.."
silence.
"gab... salamat talaga sa lahat..." she told me again.
the lights turned on.
"please, do not forget to sign in the attendance sheets..." came our adviser's voice.
a student talked to her in front - "attention everyone! we are extending this dance one hour..."
"oy gab! uulitin nten un ha!!!!" she shouted at me, and i smiled back.
of course. i waited for that. half an hour later....
"i'm sorry, but this next song will be your last dance. the parents have requested that this event last
only until twelve midnight..."
a groan was heard throughout the hall. but, we could do nothing. the lights were turned on again.
i approached her again. the last song played.
...skies are blue, red roses too.. i see them bloom...
.....until, when all was to end...
...and i say to myself...
"gab!" a dancing couple approached us.
it was eileen - and adam.
"switch daw.." and it happened as it was.
twenty seconds before the song ended... it all happened...
i thought of that happening, but wasn't prepared.
as she glanced back at me... i only managed to give a wink. now i know that was painful.
the song ended. i grabbed a souvenir pillow and walked away.
and took the pinned rose on my chest...

the rose,... cut

(js prom '05 : 2nd of 4 parts)
"gab, anong ginagawa mo?" said noel, watching me shorten the stem.
"making a brooch, i presume," was my reply, with a slight grin. i put the short-stemmed rose in my
pocket. it held on. great.
after doing that, i gave myself a good look at the whole area, scanning for faces familiar to my memory.
"ang ganda nya no, gab?" snapped a friend, pointing to someone. glancing at that direction, i saw a,
let's say, charming white girl wearing a beige gown. and i stared at her. for how long i didn't notice
(and again i hope she didn't too..) coming back to my senses, i found myself sitting in front of her,
only a table away, and then, blushing crimson, returned to my empty plate.
right on front some people from our journ delegation were presenting the graduating batch's last will and
testament.. mind you, i expected my name to come up somewhere. it did - somewhere in the latecomer's
section. (well, that's who i am.)
"the next three tables, you can now get your food at your extreme sides..."
thirty people stood up, almost in unison, including me and the cute lady, and made a queue for the food.
the girl's date was with him; slightly irritated, i managed to put distance between them and i.
the food - awesome... hizon's really lived up to it's reputation... but that's a minor thing. i mean, i
rarely saw anyone gather second helpings, or at least at our side of the hall.
after i helped myself, i went out of the hall to talk to some friends...
which led to our second encounter.
"hello gab!" came the greeting.
still stunned at her presence, i waved back, took a side-glance, and looked away.
"galit ka ba sa akin?" she asked, and i was dumbfounded - like petrified, say, that i only shook my head
in response.
after a brief moment of silence, she said...
"isasayaw mo ba sya? ang ganda nya ngayon o!"
and from there i was hit back to earth - "hinde. namanata na nga ako diba?"
[we were referring to the beautiful dame across where i sat...]
i knew i must be true to my word. she didn't smile back again..
as a reminder, she shouted back, "last dance ko ha!" before returning to the hall.
lovestruck? no. stupefied? much better, i suppose. again, a smile broke out through my face.
after an hour of dinner and pictorials, all returned to the banquet hall to watch the "cotillion de
honor" which pulled of a nice and, by the end, a crazy performance. it was all nice, however.
then there was the announcement for the nominees of the high court (which meant the king, queen, prince,
princess, faces of the night, and a teacher) - which the teachers chose wisely, except for the best
teacher (of course, they would vote themselves in, right?)
then the dance started. not the formal dance, a form of intermission, though - all those ladies can't do
quicksteps to fit those tunes. we had fun anyway.
after a few minutes of balloting, the results came up. five of those i voted got the nod of most. each of
these prized winners had to do a ceremonial walk, and go to a prepared place somewhere in the left wing
of the hall.
as dessert was being served, and i was drinking a dose of orange juice..
"...enjoy your prom dance." a teacher formally stated.
a slow tune started playing...
all i hear is raindrops...

before the rose...

(js prom '05 : 1st of 4 parts)
"gab, gising na! male-late k na naman!" came my mother's frantic raving.
startled, i carried my body up to level... five o'clock.
now, that thing isn't lying. i've got thirty minutes.
sluggishly i started to the bathroom.
"bilisan mo ha!" again, my mother, with the usual menacing sideway glance.
*after TWENTY minutes...*
at long last. i tried not too hard to admire my coat.
of course i was excited.. as i looked on my dress, tie, and all that.
five minutes was all it took for me to prepare.
making sure i got all i needed, i walked down the four-step stairway.
"okey ba??" presenting myself before the crowd, while they were watching a james bond movie, seemingly unaffected by my presence until i spoke up.
silence.
"let's go," came the modest reply of my father. and i swear, i saw a tiny wink from his left eye.
back in the car, my mom and pop still had the opportunity to get a talk.
"aircon ba dun? malaki ba yung lugar? sino date mo? yiii!" as a series of questions hacked my mind. i only nodded in answer.
the Gazebo Royale was not such a far-off place - but the traffic was there, as usual, worsened by about fifty cars making a beeline for the entrance.
"mag-enjoy ka ha." there weren't much comments heard - i suppose my parents liked the place.
bading farewell, i went out of the car.
there were a lot outside. waiting for something, i didn't know.
when i found out that i wasn't late, i let out a good sigh of relief and presented my guest pass.
the entrance ceremonies had already started, as lines going to the hall were formed. moments later i found my place in the line.
i then took a glance at the hall. quite spectacular - there was a large video screen at top, showing each pair enter one by one. and there were coolers which sprayed ice. it was a mere blur, though, for i didn't have my glasses (or, say, did i have one?)
"loren! may dala kang salamin??" i asked a friend. "wala eh, bakit di mo sinabi... ang gwapo mo pa naman ngayon!" came the part-flattery from her. i gestured a wink in acknowledgment and went to the one next in line - "anna! mei salamin ka na dala?" "wala eh! pero si cleo meron.." she answered as she opened her purse and "conjured" a pair of glasses. "hiramin mo na lang sa kanya..." thanking her, i went to the person in detail - "cleo! pahiram ng salamin ha.. sabihin mo na lang pag gagamitin mo na.. salamat!"
suddenly, things went clearer. and i saw everything as beautiful and elegant. everything.
as i walked back to my place.. "hi gab!!" a sweet greeting reached my ears. i turned back - and there she was, wearing an simple orange dress; yes, simple. :D . my - she's gorgeous.. really... :D stunned and speechless, i waved in return, nothing to give back due to awe... but a smile she didn't see, i hope.
about a minute later, we were in the hall. after a good dose of standing up and shortened speeches, there was the final exchange ceremony; we give a candle, our counterparts a rose.
"you may now proceed to your respective tables," a master of ceremony announced. "enjoy your dinner."
before doing that, however, i went to a friend, alfredo.
"may corsage kang nabili?" reminding him of earlier planned things.
"tol, si ronald lang nakabili eh. pero ayos lng yun.. it's the thought that counts.. dba?" was his somber response.. but he was right about it.
so i approached the dinner table, holding the rose, making my highly intelligent mind work (not that hard, though..) and took a knife.

the sun shone brightly on this day. ü

waw. mlapit na mgprom.
eto ung nakalagay sa invitation...
Please share in the joy as we, the Juniors and Seniors of Quezon City Science High School, celebrate our
memorable night of fun, romance and magic... to be held at Gazebo Royale 29 Visayas Avenue Extension
Quezon City on Friday, 25th of February 2005 at 5:40 in the afternoon.
tapos may singit pa sa baba: (please come on time)
waw. my reputation as a latecomer has long been established...
na parang nabanggit na ko sa invitation mismo. *joke lang*
and as you would expect, talk of the town sya, diba??
most overused lines this week:
"sino date mo?"
"may date ka na?"
"bakit siya?"
"ano isusuot mo?"
"isayaw mo ako ha!"
"sino last dance mo?"
"pag di ka pumunta ng prom, di k n mkakarating sa monday ng buhay!!!"
anywayz...
so tatlong araw n kmi ngppractice....
and it went smoothly, i suppose.
pero mas masaya ung mga nangyayari in-between rehearsals...
kahit na tingin ng karamihan walang nangyayari..
buong araw kaming nag-cchess...
tpos sa room nmen mei cd na kanta ng kanta.. parang sirang plaka, kasi wala nang pinatugtog kundi yun na
lang....
pero wala pa ring makapigil sa kakulitan ng mga tao!
ang ewan, oo... pero personally masaya ako.
sa isang sulok ng quadrangle... kasama ko siya...
ang babaw noh? pero masaya.
tapos kinukulit nya ako tungkol s lablayp ko...
kung mapadama ko lang sa kanya na...
'pag makita ko siyang nakangiti'y isang napakalaking lobo ng puso ko...
pero di ko man magawa yun....
di maiwasang ako'y mapangiti, kung saan man umabot ay di ko na iisipin...
ngayon, kinulit ko rin sya ng onti...
tungkol sa nakaraan(??) nya.. tapos ung lalaking yun pala'y malapit sa kung nasan kami...
pero nakatalikod ung lalaki... tapos kaharap ko yung magandang dilag *nyahahaha*...
"ayan. lumalapit na sayo o.. para may masandalan ka." banat ko sa kanya...
di siya sumagot. tpos tinalikuran nya ako...
akala ko nagalit o nainis, so haharapin ko sana sya...
nang naramdaman kong sumandal siya sakin...
tapos may sinabi siya. di ko na maalala...
nawindang lang ako.
speechless, for a moment...
di ko naman inasahang gagawin nya yun diba?
siguro sa kanya wala lang yun. sanay na yata eh.
sa akin... di ko rin alam. mababaw na hindi....
kasi alam naman nyang may pagtingin ako sa kanya eh.
at alam ko rin na iba yung gusto niya...
hanggang ngayon yata nangingig pa rin ako...
haaaay. magulo na naman ba? hindi naman siguro....
masaya lang ako.
bukas, regular classes na ulit.
pero, dun sa tatlong araw na nagdaan, nagbago yata ang mundo ko...
kahit na para sa karamihan wala pa naman talagang nangyayari.
basta - excited na ako sa prom. haaay.......

a state of delirium....

hehe. naalala ko kung kelan ko unang nsabi ung expression na toh....
kc math time nun. tpos merong di ma-solve n problem si ma'am warque...
so sabi nya: "well, let's leave that problem behind...
my mind is - "
"in a state of delirium!" nasigaw ko bigla.
malakas. pero di nya yata narinig. tumawa yung mga katabi ko...
" - ...whatever." sabi ulet ni ma'am, finishing her statement.
ngayon alam ko na talaga ano ibig sabihin nyan.
and it is no laughing matter. seriously...
hay. referring to the previous entry.. ung sulat nga.
basta. i can't hold myself from thinking about the things relayed there...
grabe. tapos kakaisip dun, bigla yatang nag-iba ung aura ko....
sige. it's partly blamed dun sa overdosage ko ng ferrous sulfate...
pero na-overdose aq dahil sa kakagawa nung previous entry.
ultimately, yun pa rin yung dahilan. tama ba?
haay. sinuntok ko ung pader hanggang sa mamula ung mga kamay ko.
pinukpok ko ren kung saan-saan.
tapos nag-hagis yata ako ng chessboard.
wala ako sa sarili ko kanina.
pati utak ko yata naapektuhan...
kasi nagcchess kmi knina...
tpos naglaro kmi ng ilang rounds...
pero dahil sa mga bubuyog at langaw sa ulo ko....
natalo nya ko 4 straight times.
sa isang araw. and i never lost to him in the past (none that i can remember, that is.)
waaaaaaa. sinabi nga sa akin ng isang kaibigan...
"kailangan mo ng panahong mapag-isa ka lang..."
pero, wala pa ring nakabago sa mood ko. buong araw.
even her ever-present smile was able to do nothing.
NOTHING. whew. i need to cool off...
i do need time to be... alone.

sulat....

bagay n bagay pala sa akin ung kantang eto...

----

sa kanyang mga mata...
di mo makita na mahal ka nya...
dahil sa pagkakamaling nagawa...
noong kayo'y magkaskwela pa...
sabi nya ikaw lang ang mahal...
seryoso sya sa lahat ngpangako sinta...
ikaw lang ang hinihintay maghapon...
hanggang mag-uwian na...

patawarin mo ako...
mapaglarong isipan...
mapapatawad mo ba ako...
o sadya mong nakalimutan...
ang mga sulat ko sayo...

* ^ edited yung lyrics ^ ----

haaay. bakit ba ganito, ang pag-ibig....

bakit ba ngayon lng dumating ang sulat mo...

kung kailan nakabitaw na nga't lahat sayo....

kailangan ko pa bang balikan...

ang nakaraang noo'y nakalimutan na?

dapat ko pa nga bang iyakan...

ang dati'y pinagbuhusan ko na ng luha??

----

kasi naman. bakit ngayon mo lang ibinigay yun..

ngayong nagkaintindihan na tayong tapos na ang lahat??

bakit kinailangan mo pang sabihin sa akin ang mga bagay na iyon??

napapamuni-muni tuloy ako...

kung bakit sa lahat, ikaw ang minahal ko?

alam ko namang iba ang iniibig mo eh!!!!

tska.. talaga bang minahal kita??

napadama ko ba?? o nagpakamanhid ka???

----

isipin mo naman. di na tayo nag-uusap...

pero gigising ako ng alas-kwatro para lang ilabas ito sa isip ko??

hindi sa mahal pa rin kita....

pero hanggang ngayon, gusto kong, magkasama ulit tayo...



kahit isang huling pagkakataong man lang.

time check...

"anong oras na?" tanong niya sakin..
parang nabulabog ako dun sa tanong nya...
eh wala akong orasan kaya di ko siya nasagot.
AP klase namin nun.. so, parang wala namang nangyari pgktapos nun.
come physics time.
habang ginagawa ko ung nakaraang entry.....
tska ko lang naisip..
na kung sakali, marami rin palang ibig sabihin yung tanong mo...
para sa akin....
eto. suppose a girl comes to you. a girl someone you really like.
let's say, a girl you love so much.
tpos, sabihin nya sayo......
"alam mo ba hinihintay na lang kita.... ano na?"
mahihiya naman sana yung lalaki diba?? tama?
the thought struck like lightning on my mind.
and my conscience called on a very audible voice:
kelan ka ba magpaparamdam??
sinabi mong mahal mo yung tao diba?
patunayan mo; kasi nawawala na yung essence nung sinabi mo.
mababawi mo pa kaya?
"kung may dapat kang gawin, gawin mo kung kailan pwede na!"
diba yan lagi ang sinasabi mo?
now prove yourself true to your word!
anong petsa na, ha??
narealize ko na tama sya.
kaso, kay tagal na, wala pa rin akong magawa..
* gab, gumising ka na!!!!!
pano kaya, kung isang araw... tanungin nga nya ako??
"hinihintay na lang kita... kay tagal na panahon na rin akong naghintay....
may gagawin ka pa ba? anong oras na o!!!"


........may isasagot na kaya ako?

bakit??

bakit ang gulo ng isip ko?
bakit halos buong araw galak na galak ako...
ngunit ngayon ako'y nagmumukmok??
kung ikaw nga lang ang tumatakbo sa isip ko...
bakit ang isip ko'y isang malaking deliriyo??
kung alam ko namang masaya ka sa piling ng iba...
bakit pag kayo'y magkasama ako'y nasasaktan?
at kung sa magkaharap tayo ikaw ay nakangiti..
bakit sa iyong pagtalikod.....
ang aking luha't pagtitimpi lang, sayo ang kayang ibalik???
bakit nga ba, ako'y nabighani sa ganda mong katangi-tangi?
siguro nga, ako lama'y hanggang ligaw-tingin....
ngunit bakit ang ipadama ito'y pawang isang pagkakamali?
bakit ba, ako'y hindi naniwala sa mga bulong at bulyaw...
na kahit kailan, sa aki'y di ka mapapamahal??
at ngayon, bakit ako nagsisisi...
dahil napamahal ako sa isang taong iba ang iniibig???
kung sa huli, ako ri'y masasaktan...
sa dulo ng lahat ako lagi ang luhaan?
bakit sadyang ganito kalupit ang tadhana...
na sinadyang dahil sa pag-ibig, ako ay magdusa???

ngunit, sa kabila ng lahat ng ito....

tingin mo, bakit hindi ko pa rin maipagkailang... ikaw ang mahal ko????

shocks.. my hair...

"sir semana!.. ay, gab pala!"
"and oh, man, the hair!"
"mukha kang kwago..."
"waha! kahon!"
"pumapayat ka gab..."
"bket ka kasi nagpagupit?"
waaaaa..... dalawang araw ang nakalipas pagkatapos kong magpagupit....
and this is what i get?
goodness, sandosenang puna yata natatanggap ko araw araw dhil sa buhok ko.
eh kasi nga naman pinilit ako ng nanay ko n mgpgupit sa bading.
yakii. the result??
para akong ewan. tpos sa left side meron pang excess hair...
kea pg nahahanginan ung buhok ko, it feels like there's something wrong...
nakakainis talaga.
so kinabukasan napilitan akong magsalamin, yung luma ko.......
and yun? mukha nga akong kwago.
well, at least mei positive response nman, kahit papano...
pero, ayoko p ren tlga. yaki. tshk.
di q na maimagine qng gano kasabog ang prom ko. haaay.

roses... anyone?

ahh... valentine's day..
when the air is fragrant, and the flowers in glee...
nyak. cut it out.
bsta. masaya.
nakakatuwa pala mamigay ng roses.
tama nga ung tatay ko.
kc sabi nya...
"once in high school mamigay k ng mga bulaklak sa mga kakilala't kaclose mo, para maalala ka
naman nila..."
edi yun ginawa ko nga.
kc ngbbenta ung scb ng roses, red nd white...
so s knila aq bumili. mga 400 yta nagastos ko...
tpos feel na feel ko pa na magcut ng classes...
kc mei nangungulit saken, nsan n rw regalo nya...
eh sa totoo lang bibilhan ko p lng sya..
kaya ngpasama aq kei ma'am erpelo, tska ilang kaibigan n bbili ren...
tska namili ng bulaklak...
at ayun! nkabili n nga aq. roses, pero mas cute sa ordinary tska nka-bouquet...
nkabalik kmi sa school mga 11:40 na...
tpos mei demo teaching pa yung isang student teacher nmen, so cutting nga tlga aq...
sa conference hall ung demo, mlapit lng sa soc. studies ctr....
kea iniwan ko muna dun. tska aq pumasok ng conf. hall....
nung natapos n ng mga 12, tska ko n nga binigay...
naaalala q p knina, "nanginginig mga kamay... puso ko'y hindi mapalagay..."
tska ko na inabot yung roses. wala nman akong sinabi, tinawag ko lng sya sabay bigay....
tpos layo.. kc nraramdaman ko ung sarili kong namumu(t)la...
ayon. mga 1 hour later...
tska dumating yung mga roses n bnayaran ko. pinamigay ko.
tpos ngkulang pa nga aq eh... di ko nbigyan lahat... (sorry!!!!)
bbli p sana aq, pero wala na silang benta. hay.
pero... ang sarap pla ng feeling ng gnun.... gusto ko gawin ulet....
still, throughout the day ang sakit ng ulo ko....
di q maintindihan... for a fact, habang sinusulat ko to linalagnat ako eh.
pero, sobrang saya p ren. bwaha. next year ulet. heheheh.

painting the town red... (dreading 2-14)

alas. is it for real? or is it just my eyes???
the marketplace. the mall. the mansion. the simple home.
argh. for a week or so, the city's gone nuts...
developed an obsession for red...
i mean, it's everywhere!
sale here. roses there. a fragrant smell lurking in every nook and cranny..
promises stated here and there....
whew... and i'm off to have my haircut.
what's the fuss????
and then, the conscience buzz...
"ha! if i know, you can't wait for monday..."
i guess that's the truth.
i could only hope that i find someone selling white, pink, and red flowers...
darn. i'll need my glasses.
something's impressing on me, like feeling colorblind... dunno, really.
weird.

walking in the rain...

waw. mei quotation na q pra sa sarili ko....
"when you're down in the dumps, expect your blessings from the rain..."
it sure did come... :)
kasi ngpsama aq s kklase ko n bumili ng resistor pra sa elektronix...
tapos di q alam ksama pla nya ung prend nya na crush q dati...
sabi ko pa nga "ayoko, nasshy ako dun...."
eh di pa kmi ngppncnan nun........
now we're back on speaking terms......
tpos ksabay q p xa umuwi knina....
naglakad kami sa ulan *waaaw!*, kc wala kmi payong preho....
tpos grabe, andami nmeng npagusapan...
recalling the past and all that...
in a span of about 20 minutes....
tpos, narealize ko n namiss ko pla yung taong yun!!!!!!!
wala lang.
andami n tlgang nagbago ngayon..
i mean, ang tangkad n nya... sige, maganda n ren....
tpos ang kulet nmen pareho.. ang ingay nga namin sa jeep eh!!
di ko tlga inexpect......
tpos, mga tatlong taon yata nung huli kaming nag-usap...
pero knina, iba eh!!!
sabi nga nya, "waw, close tayo ah!!"
hehe. ngiti nlng aq...
parang gusto kong tumalon knina sa tuwa... hehehe!
tpos anlakas p bumanat...
nkakatuwa tlga!!!! pero di ko sya crush. wala lang talaga!!!!!
yun bang nagkasanayan na kami sa isa't isa ulit.
linibre ko p sya ng jipney fare...
tpos nayaya ko p sya sa prom!!! [dance lng.. :)]
ayos... and come to think of it....
mga 1 hour bago ung event na yun badtrip ako...
dahil sa bagay n hindi ko mahahadlangang maganap....
pero nkalimutan ko sya bigla...
dahil lang sa kanya...
ang saya na talaga!!! hehehe.
di ko tlga mkakalimutan to. :)

pulang liham... pagpapaalam?

[sulat toh.. pra sa isang tao... word for word yan. :(]

oy. kamusta na.. kilala mo pa ko?? hehehe.
nga pala, bilang panimula, sorry tlga sa lahat... alam kong napakasama ko, lalo na sayo...
kaya nga di na kita makausap ngayon eh.. wala na akong mukhang ihaharap sayo....

dibale, hindi mo na ako kailangang makita. marami man akong gustong sabihin, dito ko na lang
ilalagay lahat. sorry talaga.

ayokong isipin kung pano ka mag-rereact dito....

kasi minahal kita....

sana naman matanggap mo na yan diba.... siguro nga, katawa-tawa, kasi hindi mo nadama...
kasi hindi naman akongparamdam diba... sorry talaga.

pero mei magagawa pa ba ako???????????? alam ko namang hindi ako ung taong para sayo.. di ko nga naman sinadya na mapamahal sayo.. tulad nlng na di mo sinadyang ganyan ka kaganda at kabait.... tama ba? o.. di ako nambobola ha. seryoso to. ganyan ka talaga, wala ka nang
magagawa.

hay.. pero okey lng, kasi alam ko namang mas masaya ka sa piling ng iba... kaysa namang mapunta ka saken, pero di k nman matutuwa... ay teka. babawiin ko lang yung sinabi ko kanina
ha: kung saan ka masaya, yun ang hindi ko makakaya.... mniwala ka sana!

alam mo ba, matagal na panahon na rin ng tinamaan ako nyang katotohanan na yan... di rin
kadali ung pagtanggap ko dun... kaya eto... sinubukan ko nang kalimutan ka, para wala nang
panggulo sa buhay mo... mind you, effective yata sya.... nakalimutan ko nga na bertdey mo
nung isang araw eh! (sorry talaga...) pero habang sinusulat ko ito..... grabe, hinabol yata
ako bigla ng mga alaala mo.... hindi ko maiiwasan, pero sa huli ako ang luhaan...

ang sakit talaga ng katotohanan.

edi yon, hanggang sa dumating sa punto na naisip kong dapat na akong lumayo sayo.. ginulo ko lang ang buhay mo. eh hindi ko nga alam kung sino ba ako sayo, o kung nagkalugar man lang ako sa isip mo diba? pero, gusto kong malaman mo na, naging napakahalaga mo sa akin... hindi mo man nadama, o napansin man lang...

kaya nga ako sumusulat sayo ngayon eh... kasi naging ganun ka na kalapit sa puso ko.

sana mapatawad mo ako na hindi ko ito nasabi sayo, dahil kagaya ng sabi ko kanina, wala na
nga akong mukhang ihaharap sayo....

sorry talaga, namimiss lang po kita....

hindi ko alam kung ito na lang ang sasabihin ko sayo, kasi baka huling pagkakataon ko nang
sabihin sayo ang lahat ng ito, kahit sa sulat... basta. kung sakaling wala ka nang
matakbuhan, andito pa rin ako... maghihintay sayo... maniwala ka sana...

siguro hanggang dito na lang.
ngiti ka lagi ha, mas maganda ka pag ganun...
ingatz po..
God bless.... at good luck sa buhay mo. (",)

mula sa isang taong nagmahal sayo....

[pangalan ko! yaki kc pg linagay ko tlga eh. di ko nman linagay kung kanino tlga ito addressed.....]

jet lagged

n. fatigue and disorientation from long flight: an internal physical disturbance experienced
by air travelers on flights across different time zones.
[Microsoft® Encarta® Reference Library 2003. © 1993-2002 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.]
read that again. i'll rewrite it in my terms:
n. a state of mind in which one kills time by making it run faster.
there. sorry nga pala, ngayon lng ulet aq ngpost... yan ang dahilan.
para kasing napag-iwanan na ko ng panahon....
even though i tried everything to catch up with our old grandpa clock.....
ganito nagsimula lahat ng yan..
kasi diba latecomer ako? an established one, to be precise.
tapos ung adviser namen tinakot ako na pag na-late pa ulet aq... mei contract na ko sa kanya
til the end of my time in quesci...
ngayon, ayaw ko namang mangyari yun...
kaya inadjust q ung lahat ng orasan within the vicinity of our household to 30 minutes
advanced.
y'know what, effective sya......
pero, parang naapektuhan buong sambayanan dito....
i mean, napipilitan lahat gumising ng mas maaga kung saan di nman kelangan.....
tignan nyo. ang oras tlga ay 9:22 as of now.
ang oras sa computer na to ay 9:33 (di pa pala adjusted....)
tapos ung main clock nmen 9:52.....
di ko alam. pero ganun pala kahirap paglaruan ang panahon...........
anyways, i read this book entitled "The Dilbert Future" by Scott Adams....
he's the artist behind Dilbert...
but i didn't know he had more than crazy business ideas aside from what i see in the daily
news........
there was this theory he presented which was against the modern perception of human
society......
"Information in the present can change the past."
fine. read that again, until you get his point.
oh.. how i wish it was true........
*sabihin nio saken pg di nio nagets ah...
at this very moment i am running against time, all the while i've perceived that i'm going
with the flow.....
what if time really ran backwards.....???
i know, i know.. you'd think of this as rubbish. i do.
but i find it strangely compelling.....
well, you can forget about this. but i'll never be late for school again. :P
(",) please bear with me. (",)

ulyanin...

"sorry, nakalimutan ko talaga!"
sa lahat ng pwedeng makalimutan, yun pa.
hindi ung assignment ko.
hindi ung baon ko.
nakalimutan ko na merong isang araw na mahalaga para sa isang tao.....
at hindi ko sya nabati.....
kaya pala di rin ako nabati dati eh...
kinarma lang ako...
ngayon binabagabag na ko ng konsensya ko.
ang sakit eh.
isipin mo kay tagal mong minahal ung taong yun, tapos dahil lang sa mga hindi maiiwasang pangyayari....
makakalimutan mo na naging ganun sya kaimportante sayo???
hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman nya ngayon.
siguro ayos lng sya. kasi di na yata nya aq kilala.
pero dahil yun sa wala na akong mukhang ihaharap sa kanya.
ang saklap. bakit ganiri ang pag-ibig???
bakit laging may nasasaktan?? may umuuwing luhaan???
teka. itigil na to.
di ko na mababago yun. di ko na mababago ung katotohanan na...
minahal ko sya at naging ganun sya kahalaga sakin... na namimiss ko n sya...
na gusto ko syang makausap, kahit kailan...
na maghihintay pa rin ako.... kung sakali man.....
gusto kong matanggap nya itong mga bagay na to.
pero nasan ka na ngayon??? nasa mga bisig ng iba....
pero dun ka masaya. sige. bahala ka... suportahan nlng kita...
kahit na yun ang hindi ko makayanan.